how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
