I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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