I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
