I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dicks are not precious.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
