Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They took my balls.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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