i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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