I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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