Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
