Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
