Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pants are for mortals
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
