Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
