May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
