Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
