It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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