Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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