Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
