We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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