I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
