i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
