You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
