____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
