I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
