Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
