The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's blow job season.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
