Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
