entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
