Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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