I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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