Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
