Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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