please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
