my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
