he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
