chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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