you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
