Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
