Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
did i just pee glitter
I smell like Dick and happiness
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
