then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
