it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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