he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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