So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
