We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
