That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
