i'm lost and i look like a hooker
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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