just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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