I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't put those talents on a resume
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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