i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He shit in the fireplace
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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