i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
