I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
