OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
